No songs of praise in the valley of the shadow death

Have you ever heard this praise song whose refrain goes something like this?

Even in the shadow of death I will praise you
Even in the valley I will sing:
Holy, my God, You are worthy of all my praise

Typical of songs that get played over and over again, it has become somewhat cliche over here (at least for me).  Until today!  As we were putting the Christmas decorations away, this song came on and I shook my head thinking "wow, how courageous, how brave of this song writer to assume/presume (or maybe hope) that when confronted with that valley of the shadow of death he will still have praise on his lips"

I wasn't being critical (as I typically am).  I was really quite humbled, so much so that I had to hold back tears. Not because of the song itself but the remembrance of the numerous times I have been there - not the throes of a physical death but that valley of the shadow of death of Faith- with no praise in my lips, no courage in my soul but only despair that edged ever so closely to possible apostasy.  For some of you who know me personally, I understand your shock   Let's just say my worst challenges in life do not involve the temporal (for the most part).  My spiritual life is the great battlefield fought out each and everyday and sometimes it's one step forward, two steps back. 

A couple of days ago,  we received a letter from a seminarian friend, who is entering the novitiate with the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal. In talking about his postulancy and life in the seminary one of the things that really stood out with me were these words - Everything is Grace!

For my soul steeped in pride at my own abilities to navigate this life, it was a (re) awakening.  Nothing I have ever done is because of ME (see the pattern here? I, ME, MYSELF).  From the moment of my waking, fixing breakfast, teaching the kids, enduring the chores and challenges of the daily grind, EVERYTHING IS ACCOMPLISHED THROUGH GOD'S GRACE.  Once I lose sight of that and congratulate myself for my magnificence, the slippery slope is inevitable.  Eventually there are things that I cannot fix, cannot control, cannot influence, cannot change.  My deflated pride suffers a slow death of faith brought about by ingratitude. 

As much as I sorta/kinda like that song,  I'm still a little bit skeptical that there will be praise in my lips when the eventual valley of the shadow of death (physical or otherwise) comes around.  I can only pray for God's grace.