A thief comes only to steal and slaughter and destroy; I came so that they might have life and have it more abundantly - John 10:10
"What gives you life?" my Easter devotional nagged at me Easter Tuesday. I was already in a mood after a somewhat uneventful Lent (no else's fault but mine) so this question grated at me instead of promoting an introspective mood. "I have no life!", answered my weary soul. "I am too busy to have a life". "Is there really life once you hit my age and running a household of seven?!". My lament was impressively longer and whinier than the book of Job. What was intended as a question to elicit a recognition of God's grace became a chance for me to throw a pity party. I even had the world's smallest violin accompanying my dirge.
But, Alleluia! the Lord is risen! He wouldn't allow me stay in my somber tomb. He plied me with little moments of insight to allow me to recognize that I am wrong. I have a life. Not just a busy, utilitarian life. I have a meaningful life. But like Lazarus, I needed to be unbound before I could breathe out the crud.
I recently had the opportunity to regal a priest with my woes. I told him that I can't seem to reconcile the promise of the abundant life when I chafe at the weight of responsibility and a sinful soul to boot. After a litany of said failures I sighed in defeat, "Father, I know what to do but I don't have the courage to do it!"
"But you're not supposed to muster courage on your own. God wants for you to submit everything to Him. He wants you to surrender all- your guilt, your shame, your failures, your weaknesses, your lack of courage, He wants to be your courage, He wants you to give Him your all, He wants to be your all" said he. "He wants to bless you and fulfill the promises of His plans for you. Ask Him to show you what activities and endeavors upon which He can bring blessings into your life, into your children's life, into your married life, in your family life. Because that's what He wants for you, to bless you with an abundant life".
As I contemplated this conversation I started to see the meaning of my life in even the most minute detail of my everyday. My life means something more than the value I have placed on it. It's more than the drudgery of chores, feelings of inadequacy, failures of responsibility and struggle with virtue. I now understood what St. Alphonsus Ligouri meant when he said "It is enough that God sees you!" We are currently in the midst of a staring contest, God and I.
In contrast to a lackluster Lent, Easter is proving to be a life-changer.
