The Magic Prayer

Over coffee the other day, a friend told me she needs whatever "magic prayer" I have been praying. This, after telling her that the Lord has been so generous in answering my prayers left and right. I chuckled a little bit about the whole "magic" prayer.  For so long and for many moments in my life I've always wanted to be that miracle story, magic, if you will. There's a part of me that waited for God to answer my prayers in a mind-blowing way so the world will know God loves me and in a way, I will know that He loves me. Those prayers, as you can tell, were tinged with presumption and pride.  It was the kind of prayer that God did answer, at His own time, at His own terms and sadly, left me thank-less and wanting more.

You can say my relationship with God back then was like a kid in front of a vending machine. I put a quarter (prayer) in and expect candy (a positive answer) right away.  It took awhile for me to stop acting like a child and really figure out what prayer is and what the Lord wants to hear from me other than "gimme".  It also made me think of what I was asking and if it was not (possibly) contrary to God's will for my life.  And I know what is contrary to God's will for me, that which does not produce virtue. Even in the absence of virtue, He was not any less generous in His response, only that I was too blind to see it. So with this new insight I started praying for virtue more than the temporal (however pressing) needs of my life.  It occurred to me that every challenge, need, problems, hurdles, et cetera that this life has to offer is an opportunity to become closer to God. So I put aside those needs and asked the Lord for the virtues necessary to be closer to Him and to conquer the pressing details of my life. Seen in the light of faith, the perceived burdens do not chafe as much. 

The quest for virtue is difficult because it exposes the root of ones being and mine was/is nothing to be proud about.  I am able to laugh now at the audacity of which I have asked God in the past.  The presumption, the whole "I deserve it", I've done so many good things where's my reward type petitions. Oh and the many people who told me to "claim" it, as if I have any claim to God other than His mercy.  Even that is something I beg for.  

My prayer life is changing, the lists are still there, but at the very heart of it is the desire for virtue and a desire to establish a relationship with God under the banner of humility. The prayers that are being answered are not because I deserve it but because He is merciful and generous.