"If you are nothing do you forget that Jesus is everything? You have
only to lose your nothingness in His Infinity and think only of loving
Him" - St. Therese of Lisieux
My Lenten devotional encouraged me to consider and write down my good qualities and the good things I have to offer. It also encouraged me not to think like the Samaritan woman at the well stewing on the things I have done wrong or mistakes I have made.
Many years ago this would not be a hard task to do, I could write a book series singing my own praises. But alas, age combined with better self-knowledge has put a stumbling block on my ability to conjure goodness next to my name. I am not saying this to gain praise or pity or feign humility. I am saying this because every time I ponder Him who is all-good and all Truth, the darkness of my soul is illumined with shame. I stew on the shame for awhile. Then I leave that shame on the cross. Then that cross brings me the comfort of contrition, hope for conversion and joy in gratitude.
Conversion. Ugh. I feel like I am on that unending treadmill of conversion, running but not really getting anywhere. This is why I love and need Lent. Upon that cross is He who is my everything. Even if I cannot think of what is good about me, I can see the good that He has done for me. In the absence of my own laurels His crown of thorns cast a halo of triumph. There is hope for me :-)
Happy third week of Lent.
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