Me, my mother and my Mother

What a week!  I felt like I just finished a week-long triathlon. So as you know, it was Vacation Bible School week.  The baby started off with a viral infection on Monday. On Tuesday the three-year old caught it.  By Wednesday evening it got passed on to the older two.  Thursday was "breakdown" day.  Having lost so much sleep, exhausted from carting sick children around and keeping up with the household chores, it was time to stay home and rest/roost.  VERY EARLY Friday morning we were at the doc's office begging to tell us we will all live.  Surprisingly enough we still made it to the final day of VBS, not contaminating anybody, don't worry.  The kids were powered by enthusiasm if not the drugs :-)  We came home in the afternoon all spent and battle-weary.  I dragged myself to bed at 8pm and slept with no interruptions!  What a miracle!  Well, the children had sleep-inducing meds, my saintly husband, as usual, took charge and did not once wake me from my deep slumber.  You all have to applaud such a good man (he seems to be getting the virus now).

I woke up at 3am and proceeded to stress out about the weeks ahead. My impending travel home and the logistics involved is a "heaven help me" moment. For once in my life so many things are beyond my control.  My ability to plan, organize and execute have absolutely no bearing on the matter at hand. Entrusting the care of my children, the order of our family life, the order of MY life, to Providence looks so good on paper but so hard on the soul of a wife and mother (look I'm only human). 
I GOT IT!!!   I finally now get what my parents had to go through so long ago when they had to seek greener pastures.  My mother is dearer to me at 3 am today than she was yesterday.  Her pain is now my pain too in so many different ways.  I now get my brother and my sister's pain.  Their having to leave their own families for a time to seek their green pasture(and now to care for our mom).  I'm only going to leave mine for a few weeks but the pain it is causing me is great. (And I'm only going up North!). 

In my lament, the Lord also showed me how He's blessed me and how he's prepared me for this moment.  He has placed before me every grace I need to get through the impending passing of my mother.  I have a boatload of people lifting me and my family in prayer.  The Lord has surrounded me with people who are TRUE in their friendship and love of me (and my family). I'm so blessed to have them willing to help without counting the cost nor the disruption it will bring to their own routines.  If you are one of those people and you are reading this, know that I thank God every night for you.  Your reward will be great in heaven :-)

Most importantly, a great(er) relationship has been forged at this early hour.  The Mother of all Mothers has made herself known to me more than ever. When I pondered all the things I am going through/have gone through, I realized someone TRULY understands from the heart of a woman.  Another Woman, Mother truly knows! She TRULY knew what it was to suffer. I will be hiding in Her Mantle.
So I'm really okay,  I'm ready to once more bring some sort of order to the chaos.  Once again I recall the greatest lesson ever told (by one Mother Abbess at the Poor Clares Monastery) - "whatever you BRING here (monastery) is what you'll FIND here, it is not an escape".  And so it is with this life, whatever we bring is what we'll find.  Since there is no escaping my life  I better bring something good !