In Lieu of 30 Days of Thanks

    Welcome back, friends. It's been while. It's the second child here, writing another post for my mom to make up for our lack of 30 Days of Thanks posts; a tradition we're breaking for the first time in four years. I made an appearance here in June with a very brief recap of our family camping trip, but aside from that it's been almost a year since either Mom or I have posted anything. So in lieu of 30 Days of Thanks, here's a jumbled post of life updates, lessons I've learned recently, and some things I'm thankful for. 

    First things first, I'm now a senior in high school and all my work is online. All of my college applications are submitted with the exception of one; I just have some loose ends to tie up and then I'll be set. I declared my major to be biology and regretted doing so the instant I submitted my applications, even after two years of being certain I knew my path. I'm as lost as can be, so suggestions and prayers are welcome. My older brother graduated this past spring and is currently splitting his time between work and online classes. His college is fully remote. The rest of the family is doing well, just doing school and work and enjoying having so much time together.

    Despite the earth-shattering pandemic, losing the end of my junior year, year, my junior frisbee season in which I was meant to captain our A team, a "normal" senior year, and not being able to see my friends half as much as I would have liked over the summer, I'm still thankful for quarantine. I came out of those few months of strict quarantine a completely different person. I've always been a strongly empathetic person but these days I find myself operating on empathy and patience towards others. I'm quieter and isolate myself more but also more thoughtful in what I do and I strive to find joy in each moment I'm given. That's not to say that quarantine wasn't hard; as someone with anxiety that's only become more severe as I've grown older with a tendency to draw close to sadness. I undoubtedly had my rough patches. But as I said before, I try to find goodness in the little things, like the way the sunlight streams through the blinds and how the wind rustles through the trees and seeing how excited everyone is about the fall weather because they get to go outside and enjoy it this year. Thanks to remote learning.

   My school gave us the option to go in a few days a week, but I opted for full remote learning. It was a way to ease back into the school year without sending my anxiety into overload and to have a freer schedule. I haven't regretted my decision. Mostly anyway. Learning online is definitely harder and my grades consistently lower than they've been since Freshman year, but I credit that to my lack of motivation and inability to pay attention to school because why do that when I could just take a nap? But alas, remote learning is more peaceful and relaxing and very much something I need right now. I've also been blessed with a study hall before our lunch period which gives me an hour and a half off every day, sometimes two hours if my religion teacher lets us out early. I like to spend my break sleeping, driving, or going on walks. It isn't a very productive time for me. Still, I am thankful for the rest. I'm also thankful for my school and my teachers. It's been a hectic year, but they're doing their absolute best to keep us together as a community and to help us stay safe and healthy. I've been able to go in for a few club meetings, frisbee practices, open houses, and to help with our National Honor Society inductions. I love my school so much and I'm already dreading having to leave when I graduate in the spring. I'm so thankful for all the opportunities I still have to participate and be a part of the community.

    I think one of the biggest changes I've undergone over the past few months is in my faith life. I've always had a strong faith and attended youth group, read daily readings, spent study halls praying in our school chapel, and helping plan school masses, but my faith life has been pretty stagnant over the past few years. I've been especially motivated to grow and deepen my faith recently since I became a confirmation sponsor to a family friend. One of the Catholic churches near my house has Eucharistic Adoration almost every day now, but once a week they offer a special hour with praise & worship music and confessions, called Adore. Over the summer I started to go to Adore and it's been so life changing. The music adds to it all, especially since I struggle to focus and the lyrics always hit right where I need them. I also discovered that some of my friends from school also go to Adore, and afterwards they all drive over to a grocery store in the neighborhood for snacks and fellowship. Sitting on the porch of the store trying rotisserie chicken flavored Pringles and talking about incorrupt saints with my friends who radiate love and the fire of the Holy Spirit fills me with so much joy, I've loved getting to spend that time with them. A few of them have been working on a new club at my school focusing on the revival and strengthening of the faith of our students, which is so necessary and is already doing so many great things. So that's a few more things I'm thankful for: my Catholic community, the unconditional love and forgiveness of the Father, and the hours I'm able to spend in the peace of Jesus' presence.

    My friends have been my biggest support throughout quarantine and the beginning of the school year. My friend group is comprised of mostly seniors. We've spent hours texting and sending videos and voice memos when we have questions or rants too long to type. They even threw me a surprise birthday picnic over the summer :') Their patience, compassion, and reassurance constantly astounds me and I'm so lucky to have them. Same goes for another one of my best friends. She's a grade below me, but she knows me best. We've suffered through countless hours of frisbee together and she reminds me to eat and sleep and take care of myself when I forget, and she'll talk me through every little crisis and hesitation. She's always down for an adventure and we've had plenty of energy drinks and watched too many movies in one night. There were a few weeks in quarantine where we would stay up until 4 in the morning texting each other haha. Good times. My anxiety is a lot just for me to handle, and I'm beyond thankful to have friends who will help me with the load. I'm also thankful for my cousin who does the same, and who watches TV shows with me almost every day as a distraction. And for entertainment, of course. Lucky me, to be surrounded by such amazing people.

    That just about sums up the past few months for me. I hope life hasn't been too harsh on all of you, and that you're finding peace and joy in small moments. As always, here's some pictures I found in my camera roll (& I finally made the switch from Android to iPhone after my Android got launched off a boat into a lake... but at least my pictures will be better)

toilet paper aisles two days before quarantine hit

where I spent most of my time during quarantine

getting those lakeside pictures

quarantine sunsets hit different haha

took dozens of pictures and still couldn't capture how unreal these clouds looked in person

spent lots of time playing in the rain

first week of school mornings looked like this. now I just lay in bed and turn my camera off so I can sleep more (say a prayer that none of my teachers come across this lol)

autumn sunsets are the absolute best

new boots! I am in love!!

a lil Christmas painting because we need something to get excited about

just in love with the way the sunlight falls

Saturday mornings are for Starbucks and driving