First Communion Chronicles - The Unspeakable Fear

I'm happy to report that the girl lived through First Penance.  I say that because she was so nervous, although excited in the beginning she was absolutely fearful when we got to church.  A few weeks before hand we were preparing like crazy and she was already exhibiting some fear. We plugged along with extra encouragement (and lots of prayers) in the hopes that excitement will replace the fear.  So on a cold December morning, we made our way to church filled with parents, children and clergy.  As soon as the priests made their way to the confessionals, the girl froze and was about ready to cry.  She begged to go later (meaning when she's a teenager!) and hung on to me as if she was being led to the slaughter.  With many consoling words we marched with her to the line and held her hand all the way to the "threshold".  She picked to go to our parish priest with note on hand, fear in her heart but a contrite spirit for sure.  It took a few minutes but to a very anxious mother who envisioned her tongue-tied and scared child it seemed like eternity.  When she finally came out she had this big smile on her face and literally jumped into the arms of his big brother.  We all leapt to her side and gave her hugs and kisses (yes, we make a big deal about these things ) then let her say her Penance prayers. The immediate effect of the Sacrament was so visible, I could cry.  She really worked at staying in the state of grace which was so amazing to see in a little child.

So now let's flash-forward to the prospect of First Communion.  The Fear has return!  She's been asking to move her First Communion to a later date (yes, when she's a teenager!).  This was so uncharacteristic of her because just a couple of years ago she was all madly in-love with the idea of receiving her Lord (note that I said "the idea" versus the Person).  Anyhow, we head-butted for awhile.  I really thought she was just being hard-headed and selfish as she did have the "world revolves around me" attitude going on for awhile.  I prayed a lot about it and looked deeper into the person(ality) of this child.  She is a very smart girl, she GETS it, she believes it is the Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of her Lord, she can define and even spell transubstantiation and she loves all the catechesis, so something isn't adding up. So I asked her to tell me where the fear is coming from and as most of you with children know the answer to that question is "I don't know!".  Upon further reflection I realized that this is her - she's naturally shy and never wanting to call attention to herself (don't worry she doesn't know I'm writing this blog, well, until she's a teen-ager!). 

A couple of days ago, I was telling my friend Kimberly about this and she told me that her daughter is also nervous.  We both agreed that the devil is really working overtime to keep the girls (and anybody for that matter) away from God.  In her wisdom she quoted this Scripture passage:  "Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." (Matthew 19:14)  I've kept this one to heart and told the girl to pray that nothing will hinder her from receiving her Lord, not even an un-named, unspeakable fear.

I have every confidence the girl is ready, she is well-catechized (if I may say so myself) and so now we will move from tackling the catechesis to exorcising the fear by replacing it with excitement.  So this weekend we are SHOPPING!!!, for a First Communion dress, shoes and whatever other frivolousity we find (no frivolousity isn't a word).  Don't worry, we are balancing the material with the spiritual.  We have Adoration days and a novena planned.  But for now we focus on the shopping . 

So please keep praying for her and for us.