When You Don't Know It All

In an earlier post I mentioned that my youngest student this year is in First Grade and my oldest is in Seventh. You'd think by now that I've got it down to a Science.  The opposite is, in fact, true.  Aside from the difference in age and knowledge I am dealing with a difference in temperament and attention span.  I am also older and have no recollection of what I'm supposed to teach a seven-year-old! This school year finds me researching lesson plan ideas for him.  Slowly things are coming back to me. I do need to teach him to write legibly and know about the Blessed Trinity, something that I expected he already knew.  And then there was the story of Our Father, full of grace.

As I ponder these children each night, quirks and all, I am finding places in my heart that could use a good dose of humility where none before existed.  Memories of my own life would trickle in - as a know-it-all teen, as a smarter-than-thou invincible young professional holding down three jobs as instructor at a local community college, retail rat and IT contractor (that's what you do when you are single and lonely, work three jobs LOL), as a new mother who will re-invent the wheel of (perfect) motherhood (because baby clothes need to be ironed) and finally, a holier-than-thou Catholic who will show the rest of Christendom they don't know jack about orthodoxy. 

And then I was brought to my knees one time too many. The Lord had allowed me long enough of my insanity.  Life had to teach me many lessons to soften that deep-seated pride. Through some of those life lessons my response bordered on apostasy. Yes, that embarrassingly deep-seated. But then I got tired of fighting what I know.  I am not all that. My knowledge was negligible compared to my pride. The reality of a life with multiple children also helped put me in my place.  Through it all the mercy God accorded me was impressive.  I learned to love Him again because he wooed me tirelessly.  And when True Love cast a light on my soul my glaring faults mortified me to humility. There is nothing more scary than a clear vision of your soul in all its warty glory.

I'm still learning. My membership card to the school of humility, charity and compassion has no expiration date. It's not a bad school but I have bad days LOL. I do lament so many things about my life where absence of virtue is concerned. My trust is in the healing power of the Sacrament of Reconciliation.  My continued conversion depends on it.  

I hope I'm not sounding like a Debbie-downer because the truth is, the same lessons that bring me to my knees are the same ones that allow me to laugh at myself and marvel at the mercy of Him who loved me first. And in matters of holiness and virtue, I think I will forever be in First Grade.

Happy Feast Day of the Guardian Angels!

source