That Expectant Hope

One of the phrases that seem to always come up with the Scripture meditations I use is "expectant hope". For the longest time that expectant hope was an obstacle to my prayer life.  I couldn't get past the expecting and the hoping for a number of reasons.  One, I do not always feel deserving of what I ask for.  Number two, what I ask requires a miracle. Number three, I'm too distracted with the gravity of my need that I get lost in the worrying.  Number four, hello God, are you really there? What if you are not?  LOL  I wasn't about to win the most pious supplicant that ever lived.

But through the course of time, through persevering prayer and a magnanimous amount of grace on God's part I saw the error of my ways. I have to get past myself to get to God. I had to (re)learn that everything is grace, everyday is a gift and that to pray is to expectantly and joyfully hope.

"I have waited, waited for the Lord, and he stooped toward me and he heard my cry. And he put a new song into my mouth, a hymn to our God" - Psalm 40: 8-9

This quote is the story of my prayer life.  It is where I learned what expectant hope really is. The very image of the Lord stooping toward me is enough to bring me to tears. That new song - of praise and thanksgiving - replaced the dirge of my hopelessness.  The agitation over seeming impossible petitions went away.  The doubt over whether He really hears me (or that He exists!) went away.  And most importantly, the feeling that I don't deserve anything eased.  It's not because I became more deserving but because I saw that He is generous. He who makes the rain fall on the just and the unjust, He is generous.  The Father who would not give a snake when one asks for bread, He is generous.  

When I was reading about Ven. Solanus Casey, one of the things he prescribes is to thank God ahead of time. I am learning the value of this advice.  As I slowly got into the habit of thanking God ahead of time the burden of petition eases. It is giving me a different perspective and it's turning my prayer in a new direction - away from myself (or the need of another) and towards a loving trust of His bounteous providence. 

That phrase expectant hope no longer chafes at me. Instead it is allowing me the freedom to trust in Him who gives us our daily bread and most generously, the gift of Himself.